This passion project is testing all of my boundaries. I knew that choosing to start a sustainable, secondhand online shop (and hopefully an IRL one day!) was going to personally challenge me in multiple ways, but I also knew the one thing I didn't want to do was quit. Being back in Ojai, surrounded by nature and by so many creative people in my close circle, I just knew I wanted to embrace creativity the same way they were embracing it. Lila Bear is how I’m attempting to do that.
Now, I want to start by saying that giving up or quitting is not something I necessarily view as a negative thing. I have quit things that didn't serve me or were bad for me many times—some might even say I love to quit. LOLLLLL. I pride myself on having firm boundaries; I always have. But as I surrounded myself with very disciplined people, especially my partner and my dad (who worked so much when I was younger I literally thought he was dead at one point and we just weren't being told), I began to aspire to be more disciplined, to push some of those boundaries, and to enjoy the hard work.
Honestly, I don't consider Lila Bear hard work...physically. It's actually really fun in and of itself. I get to do the things I love, like going to yard sales in Ojai every Saturday morning and sourcing new inventory, all while fulfilling my weekly dose of nostalgia. It instantly connects me to the sweet, exciting times I spent bargain hunting every Saturday with my mom when I was younger. Yard sales represent a place that allowed me access to my first-ever feelings of excitement and abundance all at once; I had zero financial guilt associated with asking my mom to buy me something from a yard sale. (It possibly sparked a shopping addiction as well, but that’s a topic for another time—maybe when we meet up somewhere... somewhere casual... like somewhere we can shop...)
Anyway, I have to reel myself in every now and then. My mind loves to just keep expanding on a sentence, getting so big and traveling so far away from the topic, while riding the endorphins of having mentally explored new depths.
Alright, back to my decision to start Lila Bear. I noticed I had started collecting way too many stuffed animals. If you look back at my childhood photos, I am literally surrounded by my little friends all the time. So it's only natural, as millennials obsessed with healing our inner children (did you not see Justin Bieber’s Coachella performance? We millennials ate that sh*t up, and yes, it helped that it was just JB in general), that I started doing that by surrounding myself with stuffed animals again. LOL. It’s cute, but guys... it was getting to be too much.
When I ran across a UK-based company that was reselling stuffed animal friends, it sparked an idea: this might be a way for me to try this on a small scale, saving these little guys from the landfill and giving them love, without racking up an entire mountain of a collection in my own home. So, that’s exactly what I did with Lila Bear.
I knew challenges were going to come up because they were already appearing, and knowing myself, my biggest hurdles were going to be mental and psychological blocks. How do I keep myself from doubting? How do I stop hating and judging my own ideas and work before even giving them a chance in the world? How do I stop questioning why I’m doing this?
I think that's a massive mental challenge whenever I try to start anything. I am a deeply analytical person, and I truly love my curiosity—it’s my favorite thing about myself—but it also f*cks with me a lot when it comes to execution. I'm sure many of you beautiful big brained beauties can relate! The questions are endless: What if I’m wasting my time on something that isn't my true purpose? Am I only doing this because I live in capitalist, consumerist America and think owning a small business is the epitome of success? Do I even want to dedicate myself to something that could limit my freedom in how I navigate the world? (My other favorite trait about myself is my constant desire for change).
Eventually, I realized I owed it to myself to just let the questions come, but not let them dictate my choices anymore... at least not for a bit, so I could just try out this "boss b*tch CEO" small business thing. I have to admit, I deeply crave being the master of my own life and time, all of it, and right now that might mean building something for myself.
I want to touch on so many things around this subject, but I would end up writing for hours. So, I will end on a note about creativity.
I never considered myself a creative person. I used to think creativity was something very obviously and physically art-based—something you made from scratch or re-worked with your hands, having your brain and heart aid you along the process. I was under the deep-seated impression, from who knows where or how far back, that creativity was not a trait I possessed. I was very mind-dominated, always in my head questioning, daydreaming, and thinking of funny stories.
My favorite part of starting this shop has been the way it challenged that deep-rooted belief. I desired to call myself a creative person so much that I used to ask my friends what being creative meant to them, hoping to expand my mind and gain a completely different perspective. I wanted the craziest theories—like creativity being present in the way you wash your car, or the way you choose a book to read at the library, or how you act when you meet someone new for the first time. I wanted to see everything as a potential result of creativity so I could easily claim it as a character trait of my own.
After doing that for a bit, I was just like, fck it, I’m just deciding I’m creative now. I don't have to prove it to myself anymore. I started Lila Bear shortly after, and this blog shortly after that. I guess I’m like... an artist now, or something. :P
So yeah, that’s just a little behind-the-scenes of how Lila Bear came to be. It’s not just a passion project or a way to make money; it’s truly a space that has provided the concrete proof I so badly desired that I am creative, I am capable, and I am disciplined enough to just keep going. Lila Bear could make it big, or it might not, remaining instead a quiet space where I laid my fears and doubts out onto the table. I guess when I think of it that way, that is truly what artists do. When they create a painting, they do it because it’s their way of communicating what is going on inside of them to the outside world. I guess I’m doing the exact same thing through Lila Bear and this blog, and I hope you guys enjoy the ride a little.
🧸 Meet the Author
Chantal is the founder and curator behind Lila Bear, a dreamy, sustainable gift shop dedicated to giving new life to secondhand treasures and celebrating mindful curation. When she isn't yapping on the blog or analyzing social theories, you can find her restoring items and saving teddys from the landfills.
Browse the Lila Bear curation here: https://mylilabear.com/
P.S. I love to yap, so if you have a topic you'd like me to yap and blog about... I'm so there, it's insane (shoutout to the iconic Eunice in She's the Man). Anyways, email meeeeee! Byeee!